Older child adoption...

I want to be completely honest and transparent here...I know there are those that are very skeptical of adopting older kids and those that are in process now. I'd like to detail the real story of our experience over the next few months. I think there are too many of us that put a smile in our face and pretend all is well...although we are falling to pieces on the inside...that was us with Mei at times. I promise here to tell the good but not leave out the hard and the bad. I am specifically referring here to adopting a 13 year old...although Zoe is considered an older child as well...she is easy compared to a 13 year old!

We knew when we agreed to an older child that we were agreeing to all the baggage they may bring with them as well. We have no way of knowing Eli's life experiences up to this point. What we didn't consider was...what if they aren't really 13? Although Eli's paperwork shows his date of birth as 1/13/1999....his behavior is really closer to a 10 or 11 year old. We know Eli was the big brother at the orphanage and probably had no one to model behavior for him. We also know that because of his heart condition he was about two years delayed starting school. That means he was day in and day out with younger kids. Is he really 13 turning 14? Is he just really immature for his age? Who knows?

What do I mean by immature? Well...he still loves toys and would sit and play with them for a good while. He loves Legos and yo-yos, comic books, and cartoons. He has an attention span of about 5 minutes and can't sit still to save his life! He thinks its fun to squeak his shoes when he walks or to shake up a soda for it to explode. He played with a kaleidoscope at a store today for several minutes and thought it was the coolest thing ever. Is some of this because he's been institutionalized for 13 years...he's never had toys of his own...and a very regimented, routine schedule with little freedom to just be a boy? Who knows? Only time will tell.

Our other issue is just the social norms that we have taught and modeled our bio kids since birth. We feel like we have to constantly say no or redirect...what do we mean here?....here are just a few examples...when we wake up in the morning, we brush our hair...deodorant is important, when we are in large crowds of people, pooting must be controlled;-), we don't holler across a restaurant to the server, we stay together in large crowds, popping the top off the water bottle in a fancy, crowded hotel lobby is not ok, you must ask before picking up other people's children, there is such a thing as boundaries and personal space and we stand in line, wait our turn, ladies first. You must ask before taking something from some one else ie...the remote, ect. I could go on and on...I am sure this list is to be continued!

Eli has some great qualities and I don't want to leave those out! He is genuinely compassionate, loves children, loves to serve others, gave his uneaten sandwich to a homeless man the other night! He is very compliant and obeys when we tell him "no".

Please pray for us as we journey down this new road. Adopting an older child has definitely brought light to our adoption into Gods kingdom. Little children/babies are so easy to love but with an older child, love is a choice. They are not cute a cuddly. In the same way, God chose to love us in all our faults and flaws. We must continually choose love.


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